


Your touch

by Criscpi



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:55:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 6,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28670328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Criscpi/pseuds/Criscpi
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 29
Kudos: 62





	1. The beginning

"If you do that you wear him out Sander."  
"I'm just looking Britt, stop it."  
"You're eating him up with your eyes, that's different."

Sander remains silent. But he doesn't stop  
Looking at that tousled hair the color of hot chocolate.  
He wonders what it will smell like.   
He wishes he could find out.  
But he's talking about Robbe jizerman the shyest, hardest guy in the whole known universe.

He had tried a few times to even approach him but it was like other people bothered him.  
He was a handsome pro at dodging every  
micro contact   
It was a frustrating thing. All it would have taken for Sander was a few seconds for those huge eyes he only saw when Robbe walked past him on his way home to realize the blinding light they gave off.   
And how Sander needed that  
light, like a thirsty man in the desert.

"Guys we have great news: the next exam will have a practical part: you have one month to prepare for the exam but you will take them in pairs and will be forced to live together for a month.   
Fate will choose for you."  
"This story is ridiculous. Where are we in a movie about high schoolers of questionable quality?"  
Britt laughs.

"Driesen? Sander can you hear me? Oh thank you for coming back to us. You will be spending a month with...Ijzermans.  
Stop by here to get the keys to your apartment here at the college as soon as we're done organizing the couples."

"Are you okay?"  
Britt didn't know whether to be excited about her best friend or worried.  
"I'm going to wake up from this dream, because of a retracted dream, I'm going to be pretty sick about it. Because it's a dream?isn’t it?”  
"No Sander, it's not a dream. You'll be living with your sweet crush for a month. Good luck...!"


	2. Here we are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From the next chapter things are moving faster. Are you ready? Love you all♥️

“Coming!”  
Sander thought he had it all. When he enters in his new apartment, only silence greeted him. Robbe would probably be here any minute.   
He takes the first room he comes across, the one with the open door: he arranges his things and notices that in the bathroom someone had already left his toothbrush and bathrobe.  
"Robbe?"  
"I....I’m in my room."  
"Okay...I'll get my things together and.... would you like some coffee in the meantime to get used to this?"  
"Yeah...no...okay, I'm coming."

Robbe had just received the answer: he couldn't refuse to take this part of the exam. If only they knew why it was so hard for him to go through this....   
"Robbe, the coffee is ready"

Robbe tosses the phone decidedly unnerved and walks towards the kitchen.   
Sander tries to keep the excitement of seeing him so close. He offers him the cup and sits down.  
"So...what do you think to all of this?"  
"That it's so stupid and they want to be progressive by necessity?"

"Yeah... it's something that smacks a bit of stupidity... but... we're in it and we have to deal with it."  
"Yeah... listen, should we make a program?"  
"Program?"  
"Yes, to prepare for the exam."  
"Oh yes, a program, of course..."

Together they draft a schedule that seems to work for both of them.  
Robbe's pen runs out and they both reach out to pick it up. Their hands touch. 

Robbe recoils as if he's touched by a scorpion.  
"I'm...sorry...”  
It’s only Sander could say  
"It's... it's not your fault... now I think it’s better if I'm going to my room, sorry."

From that moment on, Sander's most pleasant companion will be the  
Silence. But not for so long.


	3. Enough.

About three days go by and the two of them see each other just to keep up with the exam schedule.  
Sander had tried everything to make him laugh, to stay with him after studying, but he couldn't.  
The frustration was so much, too much, he was fed up. This was not how it was supposed to be. They had to learn to live with each other not dodge. This was an integral part of the exam. 

When they finished their final exercises that night, Robbe was trying to sneak out when Sander stopped him:   
"Robbe, pizza tonight?"  
"Sander I..."  
Sander had been nice to him in those days. He had never even tried to force himself on him, in any way. He knew something was holding him back, but if he didn't know, he couldn't help him, and so, he stood by, waiting for Robbe to open up. But he didn't seem to want to.  
"I..."  
Robbe couldn't and turned his back on Sander, who exploded at that point. Not quite explodes. But he decides the silence isn't working.  
"Enough Robbe. Enough. If you want to change partner because for some reason that I ignore I disgust you okay, but don't treat me like that. I'm not scum.  
I asked for pizza is that hard for you?"

Sander hadn't shouted but his voice was hard and cold and sad.   
"Yes."

"What does yes mean Robbe, what does it mean?"  
"Yes, it's hard... for me."  
"Why, what have I done to you?"

Robbe can't take it anymore. He's been wanting to spill the beans to someone other than a psychologist for months.  
Maybe this bullshit about  
forced cohabitation is a sign. He turns to Sander, drops to his knees and starts crying.

"You didn't do anything to me Sander.  
But..."

Sander slumps down but continues to keep his distance.

"But someone else hurt me, too badly. It killed me outside and inside and I can't do it...I'm...I'm the scum okay?"

"Robbe..."

"No let me finish and know that you're the only one at school who gets to hear about this, so keep your mouth shut okay?"

Sander nods

"Eight months ago, I was dating a guy. He was the only one I told I was gay and he was sweet and understanding...he told me he wanted to be my boyfriend, but that it was his first time with a guy so he wanted to take it slow.But the truth is he wasn't...he...he took me to meet his friends, his pack. He wasn't gay like me and the pack got me.... and I.... in the hospital...the blood the Smell of them...I can't do this anymore..."

Sander cries. Of anger, of sadness...he doesn't even know. He cries for that wonderful boy whose dreams and dignity had been ripped away just because he was different. Different like him.   
"I'm... I'm sorry... oh my God I'm  
Sorry..."  
Sander spreads his arms wide. He does so without a second thought . An invitation to trust, an invitation to vent,an invitation to be the one who would protect him.

Robbe looks at those hands and arms. He is tired of being alone, of crying alone. He approaches slowly like a stray cat towards a human.  
He keeps looking at the arms as he walks past them and then slowly slumps down on Sander's shoulders.  
He cries like he hasn't in a long time.  
Like someone who is grieving.  
He cries and is not ashamed: he listens to Sander speaking into his ear between wails.

"I am here. I will never hurt you. Never.   
You can trust me. I'm going to stroke your head now. If something bothers you tell me, let me know. I'm here."  
That's how they'll sleep that night. Sander against the kitchen wall and Robbe on his haunches.


	4. Let me be your friend

Robbe wakes up first. He couldn't believe that he was able to be close to someone, to have them touch him, to let him know his secret.  
He gets up with his eyes burning, his bones aching.  
"Hi."  
Sander smiles at him even though his  
Eyes closed  
"H...hi.."  
"Do you mind if we skip the morning session and maybe double the study in the afternoon? I need to lay down my skeleton for a few hours."  
"O...ok I'll wash up and make some  
breakfast you... You want anything?"  
"Oh god yes please in the end we skipped dinner."

No questions asked. Sander acts like nothing happened.   
How can he not be disgusted with him?  
Robbe under the water jet thinks about the night before and.... he feels light. Not better. But light. That's something. 

"Robbe sorry, will you let me know when you're done? So I can get a wash too. Thanks!"

Sander ding them everywhere he can’t be so stupid. The Pills. Sander had forgotten his pills. Shit. He was going to go get them soon. 

As they eat breakfast all seems quiet.   
Sander has no intention of asking any more questions: he knows that Robbe will tell if and when he wants to.   
But he doesn't expect Robbe to be the one asking him questions. 

"Why?"  
"Hmm?"  
"Why do you treat me like this."  
"Like what? I don't understand."  
"Like nothing happened to me, like I didn't tell you anything last night."

Sander wants to weigh the words he's about to use carefully.

"You think you deserve pity or revulsion don't you?  
But that's not what you're going to get from me.  
I'm sad. And angry. I would go to them and make them feel a hundred times what you must have felt.   
But if I look at you I...I just want you to trust me because believe me, each of us in our own way are fighters in this life.  
I just...I just want to be your friend."

Sander smiles at him and walks towards the room. He makes himself comfortable on the side of the bed and thinks back to the conversation he just had with Robbe.   
On the other side of the door a small voice says to him.   
"Thank you."  
It's a start. Their beginning. They'll make it to being friends, that's the important thing, then one day.... maybe...  
When he throws himself on the bed; Sander still feels Robbe's sensation next to him and he feels good. Everything around and inside him is finally quiet.


	5. You are not a monster

Sander... sander we need to study! “  
No response.  
"Sander?"  
"I'm right behind you..."  
Sander had just come out of the bathroom and was wearing his bathrobe.   
He was beautiful.   
For the first time in a long time Robbe felt something.  
Was this guy really helping him get over the trauma more than therapy sessions?  
"I'm sorry, but I was too tired to do this before..."  
"Yeah... that's it... I'll wait for you in the other room to study, okay?"

"Alright, I'll be there in a minute.”

Finished studying Sander had to go retrieve the pills. A month without them would be the end of him and his efforts.

They had started talking between exercises. In a normal way. Normal was a word Robbe had forgotten both the sound and the flavor of. 

"So Britt's not your girlfriend?   
No, we're like brother and sister!”  
“I would have said you were a couple....”  
“Well, if we keep being so unlucky in love, maybe we'll become one out of desperation!”  
“No kidding, we grew up together: we support each other...she knows everything about me and.... we don't judge each other. But we fight, huh? Fiercely. But it always lasts very little. How about you?"

"I have a friend, too. Jens. He lives 30 minutes from here and we see each other very little but I know he'll always be there for me.  
And before you ask.... yes he knows."

Robbe notices that Sander is looking at him strangely  
"Robbe...you have a ladybug on your hair...can I...can I take it off?"

Robbe nods

Sander approaches and with one hand picks up the insect   
"Open your hand Robbe."  
The sound of his voice was soft and relaxed but it had a strange note...like he was on the verge of tears.  
Sander slides it into his hand: the fingers brush a little and Robbe feels a nice sensation when Sander touches him.

"He's your lucky charm. It chose you. “

Robbe slips the insect between his fingers before releasing it, leaving it outside the window.

When Robbe turns around, he sees Sander focused as if meditating:  
"Hey,Are you okay? “

"No."

"Sander..."

"Robbe...call Britt and tell her I don't have the pills and to bring them to me as soon as possible.   
I...I'm hot. I...I need to go to my room. It's too loud in here.... “

But the house was quiet.   
Robbe takes Sander's phone and calls Britt.

When she arrives they enter the room. Sander is naked, and he doesn't sit still.   
Britt approaches without speaking and puts the pills in his mouth. He sits him down on the bed.   
Sander rubs his arms as if to comfort himself.  
Robbe doesn't understand what's going on but feels a wave of fear and tenderness towards his friend and roommate.

"Where is Robbe. Don't let him in Britt, he trusts me, he can't see that I'm a monster.... “

Robbe is leaning against the door of the room.   
Britt looks at him.   
He looks at Britt.   
He slowly walks into the room stands on the opposite side of Britt and rests his trembling hand on Sander's shoulder. 

"You're not a monster okay?   
You're my friend.   
Friends support each other.  
You did it with me and I'm going to do it with you, okay? You're not alone."

Sander takes his knees and brings them to his chest. Then he lies down and before long he begins to sleep.   
"The medication is kicking in.  
Come, I'll explain everything."


	6. Do you like him?

"That's why he told me that everyone is a fighter in life...."  
"Yeah.... Sander has had to endure a lot. Not everyone can have the sensitivity to keep their mouth shut.  
Telling him he's crazy is one of the least strong things he's heard."

"That's why...he understood me."

"I don't know what happened to you Robbe, but Sander has adored you for a long time. He wouldn't do anything to hurt you. In fact, I think if he could he'd give you his heart and not in a figurative sense.   
We've been friends for a long time: I'm the impulsive one, who says things right away. Sometimes too fast.  
He's my delicate side.  
If he has to tell me something, he thinks about it for at least five minutes."

Robbe smiles

"I've noticed that."

"Yeah...he's trying hard to accept that he has bipolar disorder.  
And finally the treatment seems to be working.   
This seizure is only because he didn't take the pills for a few days.   
The stupid one."

"Britt... What can I do for him?"

"Nothing in particular Robbe. Just stay close to him. Just be yourself. The way you did before is more than fine."

"I'm going to get some water. Want some?"  
"Yes, then I'll go or I'll be late.  
Robbe can I ask you something?"  
Robbe stiffens  
"Try..."  
"Do you like Sander?"  
Robbe takes a deep breath

"Britt. I'm terrified but...yeah I like him and have for a while.   
I like his style, the way he smiles at you.   
I like hearing him talk when he has to expound on something to the group.  
I like walking past him and smelling his perfume.  
I told him something very private and serious that happened to me and.... he took my despair and tenderly cuddled it.  
He respects my fears and my timing...but I can't tell him...I don't..."

"Okay okay I get that you like him."

"Sorry Britt but this is the first time I've ever spoken out loud about this.   
This exam that started out as the worst idea the university ever had is turning out to be a catharsis for me."

"I'm glad. And...Enjoy it. In every sense of the word if you can."

"Britt!"  
Britt's laughter filled the room.  
"Come on I'm going bye!  
I'll call in the morning to see  
How is he...he'll sleep I think until tomorrow morning. If he wakes up earlier just humor him. Unless he wants to do some bullshit. But with you I don't think he'll allow himself to do that."

"Thanks Britt"

"Bye, Robbe."

Robbe watches TV. He's already fallen asleep a couple of times and is struggling to keep track of what's going on in this movie.  
He hears a rustling behind him.  
Sander has at least put on his pajama pants and sits on the couch and as he cries he lets his head rest on Robbe's legs.

"I was supposed to be the strong one. You deserved a better friend."  
"Shhhh....I'm glad to be here with you..."  
Robbe's hand doesn't shake as much anymore and rests on Sander's head.   
He plays with his hair and does so until sleep finally wins over the movie.


	7. Can I give you a hug?

Robbe wakes up in his bed. He remembers exactly what happened last night.   
He stretches, trying to piece together the day before, and finds Sander curled up at the end of his bed.  
He looks like a kitten.  
He can't leave him there. He tries to move him but just can't  
"Sander... please...you're too heavy...come here..."  
Sander moves in slow motion: slowly, following Robbe's voice but always keeping his eyes closed.   
As soon as he lies down, Robbe's phone rings. It's an alarm clock.   
"Hey...you need to take your meds...can you sit up?"

Sander sinks his face into the pillow   
"You're doing it again..."  
"What am I doing Sander?"  
"You...set the alarm to remind me to take care of myself...You... I...I had to be stronger for you.."

Robbe helps his friend sit up   
"Sander. You don't want to see it but you have helped me so much and continue to do so.   
Look how close we are.  
Think about how much I talk.  
In one week you have changed my days: before I was silent. I was afraid of everything. Now look at us. You are helping me so much. And for that I will never stop being grateful. But now Sander, take your pills."

Sander doesn't let it go to his head and takes the medication.  
"We lost a day of study."  
The sound of his voice is still sad, sounding ready to cry at any moment.   
"We'll rearrange the study days tomorrow. Are you hungry?"  
"Can I start eating again tomorrow?"  
"Sure. I'm going to eat Sander, I'm really hungry. Ah, Sander? Did you take me to bed?"

Sander nods.  
"I was tired but not tired enough for you to sleep uncomfortably. But then I couldn't take it and I collapsed on your bed. I'm sorry."

Robbe takes Sander's arm and squeezes it:  
"It's okay. Now get some rest and I'll be back in a little while, okay? In this apartment we don't need to apologize to each other. If you're hungry, just call and I'll bring you something."

It may have been the medication, it may have been Robbe's words, but Sander gets up, struggling, takes a shower with an incredible heaviness in his legs and arms, gets dressed and slowly drags himself into the kitchen.  
Robbe is sitting down to eat, Sander watches him lean against the wall, now with very little strength in his body.  
"Robbe"  
"Hey...what are you doing here?"  
"Can I give you a hug?"

Robbe has a second of hesitation but not because he doesn't want to: on the contrary, he would like to tell that boy that he would spend his days hugging him, that he's the only one who doesn't make him feel like crap, that with him he's learning not to blame himself for what happened... that he doesn't feel wrong or dirty together with him... but all he gets out is:  
"Come here."

Sander reaches over and holds him with what little strength he has  
"If I hold you I feel better, I feel...  
I feel whole."  
"That goes for me too Sander, that goes for me too."


	8. Plasters and butterflies

"What do you think?"  
"That sounds like a great schedule to me; if we're diligent from now on we'll even finish a few days early."  
"Yeah, at least we get to relax a little before the end of this adventure."

Hearing the word end had left them both with a bad feeling in the  
in the pit of their stomachs: why did it have to end? So soon? Could they freeze time?   
No. But they could certainly enjoy the last two and a half weeks together.

"Robbe your phone is ringing!"  
"I'm still in the shower, look who it is please!"  
"It's Britt! Britt? Robbe it's Britt, can I answer it?"  
"Sure!"

"Hello?"  
"Sander? What are you doing answering your pretty boy's phone?"  
"Britt. I adore you but stop saying we're together ok?"   
"Come on, you're an old couple.  
You like each other. So much. Get a move on!!!"  
“Sorry, why do you use the plural?"  
"Huh?"  
"Britt..."  
"Can't talk, tell Robbe I'm sorry and I'll bring you the pills next weekend along with the doctor’s prescription.  
Tough head you are, Sander you gave me a heart attack!  
I'm going to go now or I'll talk too much I love you ciaoooooo"  
"What did Britt want?"  
Robbe was in his sweats, his wet hair caressing his face...it was always getting so hard to stay away from him that way.... 

"She was talking about my pills and prescription..."  
"Ah okay."  
"She said to excuse her if she talked too much."

Silence

"What...what did she say to you?"  
"But nothing, don't worry. I didn't really understand much."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes, Robbe... it's fine."  
"OK..."

Sander in the shower thought back to Britt's words. Even if it was true, Sander was afraid of everything: of misinterpreting, of how to touch him after everything that had happened to him... he wanted everything to be perfect for Robbe and he wanted them both to feel the same.   
Sander knew it would be serious with Robbe. Definitive. He was the only one. The only one he would love so much.

As he steps out of the shower and reaches for his bathrobe Robbe rushes into the bathroom.  
They freeze as if in a photo shoot, and after a few seconds Robbe's eyes follow Sander's figure, his wet skin, his perfect body. From head to toe.   
"Excuse me."  
"Hey no problem."  
"I definitely had to get a band-aid...I cut myself".  
Sander covers himself with his bathrobe and approaches Robbe:  
"Can I see?"  
"Yeah..."  
"You're shaking..."  
"The blood reminds me... “  
"no... let's erase those memories. It's just a cut. Can I take care of it?"  
"Y... yes."  
Sander looks him straight in the eye  
"Robbe you know, if I go too far just stop me. If you say no I'll stop, this won't change our relationship ok? Never."

"Okay..." says Robbe swallowing audibly.

Sander takes Robbe's finger and puts it in his mouth. He keeps his eyes closed to avoid showing how exciting that scene is. He doesn't want to scare him.

Robbe feels Samder's warm mouth on his finger: he's wrapping his tongue around it and the walls of his mouth: it's a new sensation, one that Robbe wouldn't want to end.  
After he sucks on his finger for a few seconds he opens his eyes again and removes his finger from his mouth:   
"Now hold it upwards, we disinfect it and put a plaster on it."

Sander did everything with the utmost concentration.  
Robbe for his part had a lot of butterflies flying everywhere: head belly, lower belly....   
He thought back to Britt, to her words, and decided to close with the past for good because God, in front of him there was such a bright future and this future had green eyes and a wonderful mouth.  
He approaches Sander who is arranging the disinfectant in the bathroom cabinet: he puts his hand on his back and calls out to him in a whisper.  
Sander turns around: they have never been so close. Robbe is still afraid, but he knows that with Sander he can beat it for good.  
He puts his lips to Sander's: they stay like that for a few seconds, then Sander takes Robbe's face, and with his tongue invites the boy to open his lips.  
The kiss that followed was slow, soft, warm, truly those lips were perfect.  
Perfect for him, perfect for their souls.  
When they pull away Sander looks up at him worriedly.  
"Robbe... are you okay?"

In response Robbe returns to Sander's lips, wraps his tongue around them sealing them sucking greedily.  
"Never better, but now?"  
"Now I'll get dressed and we'll eat, then if you'd like, we'll continue this talk that I really like.Agree?"

"I agree."

After dinner they sit on the couch hugging each other. Every now and then their lips touch and those kisses then become fertile ground for their tongues so full of desire to know each other. 

When bedtime comes it's hard for both of them to part ways but Sander knows Robbe needs his time.  
He's not afraid to wait.   
He feels they are following the same rhythms.   
He feels that Robbe is feeling what he feels, too. And that can be enough at the moment.


	9. Us.

Three days pass in the same way. The kisses are no longer counted.  
Studying has become difficult but they have found a way to do it by staying close, tight to each other, pausing for a few minutes to take energy from each other through their kisses.  
Sander decides to kiss him on the neck, more and more passionately, but then stops.   
Little by little he thinks.   
That night, like all the previous ones, they hold hands all the way down the hallway until they arrive in front of their rooms:  
"Goodnight Robin."  
The kisses on the forehead are priceless but.... Robbe has other things on his mind this evening.  
He's been thinking about it constantly since this morning, but really he's been thinking about it since he saw Sander naked. The image of that statuesque body doesn't leave him for a second. He longs to touch it, to discover the surface of Sander's skin.   
"Sander?"  
Samder is already walking into the room. He turns around.  
He sees Robbe extending a hand to him. He takes it and is ushered into Robbe's room.   
"Sleep with me."  
"Robbe I don't think...I couldn't..."  
Robbe keeps his head down.   
Then he raises it and faces part of his ghosts:  
"Stay with me tonight. I won't stop you."  
Sander takes Robbe in his arms and lays him on the bed.  
He slides both hands under Robbe's shirt: the boy is thin, but muscles protrude stiffly from his chest.   
Sander gently pulls his shirt off and begins kissing Robbe's exposed skin.   
Robbe fights. He fights between the desire and the fear of somehow reliving the past.   
Only Sander's voice calms him:  
"We'll take things slow, one step at a time.You're too precious to me to think of hurting you.   
I...I am so in love with you Robbe..."

These words. It's as if they break a spell.   
Despite everything he had been through, which was hard to forget, Sander's touch and words became so warm and comforting that the thought became small and almost insignificant, at least in that moment.  
Robbe takes Sander into his arms; he needs to feel him as close as possible:  
"I'm in love with you too Sander, don't be afraid to love me. I'm not afraid to let you love me, and I'm even less afraid to love you."  
Robbe pulls off Sander's sweatshirt and starts kissing him in the places he can reach while continually staying embraced by that wonderful boy.

Sander sinks his hands into Robbe’s pants and so does Robbe with Sander. They are so engrossed that the climax of their pleasure comes quickly that evening .  
"From now on every day will be better than the last..."  
"Are you talking about sex Robbe?   
I'm talking about us honey , and the thing I think is connected."


	10. Am I in Heaven?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> Would you like the story to continue?  
> Let me know because it will take some time maybe to publish the next chapter: tomorrow I'll have a little surgery (nothing serious) but I won't be able to use any device for a few days.  
> See you soon and thanks from the bottom of my heart for the support!!!!

"We're down to the wire..."  
"There's very little left..."  
"How much longer?"  
"Four days..."  
"Sander... then what happens to the two of us?"  
Sander looks at him, they are lying on his bed and simply enjoying each other's company.  
The exercises for the exam are over and they are savoring the freedom of living together without obligation, just for the pleasure of it.  
"What's going to happen is that we're going to be together outside of here, too."  
"What if I meet...?"  
Sander turns on his stomach to watch Robbe's face, which is waiting impatiently for an answer.  
"Robbe it's you and me. No one is going to hurt us anymore.  
You won, because if they thought they were going to break you they really didn't: you're healed and what happened to you is a closed chapter.  
You got your life back and now enjoy it without thinking about what can happen because life is unpredictable."  
Robbe listens in silence.  
Those words fill his heart: he feels so lucky to have Sander next to him...but he can't close that chapter until he does something. And he thinks it's time to do it.

Robbe stands in the same position as Sander and looks at him: his eyes have a different light, more intense than usual, Sander notices immediately.  
"I still have one more thing to do before I close with the past: it's something I've wanted to do since we've been living together, but I was terrified of too many things to do it."  
Robbe lets one hand slide over Sander's taut buttocks; then he runs it up to the nape of his neck and down again.   
Sander turns around. Now Robbe's hand brushes against Sander's neck, chest, and bulging lower belly.  
Robbe gathers him into his hands once he unbuckles his pants and pulls down his boxers.  
"Robbe..."  
"I'm sure Sander. Make love to me."

Sander knew how to make him feel truly in heaven: he knew how to love him how to find the most sensitive spots and how to touch them. After so long, sex was no longer a "dirty" and "nauseating" thing:  
It was freedom, it was sensation, it was feeling.  
When Sander reaches his hands between his buttocks, he doesn't stiffen up in terror: he lets those gentle fingers get to know his most intimate areas thoroughly, allows them to enter deeply.  
He lets his mouth open and express what he feels.   
He allows his fingers to sink into Sander's hips to follow, indulge, and manage the rhythm.  
He allows his ears to enjoy the sounds Sander's throat makes.... 

"That was epic."  
Says Sander still panting.... Robbe tries to regroup, to remember who he was before Sander, what had just happened because he seemed to have seriously ended up in Heaven.

"I've never been more alive and happy."  
And Sander in response draws him in with a kiss that confirms everything.


	11. It’s only you and me

They were back in school and they didn’t lost each other.  
Every day Sander waits for Robbe before entering the university and vice versa.  
It was nice to get together every day and share so much. 

The last night in their apartment had been so full of them...they had used the entire day to savor each other as far as they could. 

That morning, a week after saying goodbye to that exam they were walking with Britt in the university park.   
Robbe laughed, he was so happy...he was, because in front of him there they were. There's the pack. And in a minute there's the insults screaming in his ears, there's the smell of blood, there's the pain. The tears.

The pack begins to mock them: "There they are, the fags, how happy they are! But aren't you ashamed? Robbe do you want to try our last experience again? I'm sure this half-crazy guy won't satisfy you like we did..."

Sander feels Britt at his side start to growl, ready to raise her voice and hands if necessary.  
"Britt. No. I know a different way. Let me try."  
Sander turns to Robbe:

"Robbe, love, look at me."  
Robbe does, but his gaze is dull, shrouded in fear. In response Sander smiles at him, a sweet, enveloping smile, a smile that tastes like the things that matter.   
"Do you remember what I told you on our first night? I told you that you had won against them because..."

Robbe trembles, but focuses on his boyfriend's voice.  
"Because they tried to break me but they couldn't...."  
Sander rests his forehead on his great love's.  
"Robbe, do one thing for me, close your eyes: what do you listen?"

Robbe is surprised:   
"I hear you Sander. I hear only you."

And so it was, because with Sander the world disappeared.

"It's you and me love"  
"Yes, it's you and me."  
"And who are they?"  
"They are nothing."

Sander takes his face in his hands and kisses him, unconcerned that three-quarters of the University was watching them.  
The pack disappears. Sunk by the force of their love.

The audience is all in their favor and Britt wraps them up.   
"You are wonderful.  
Sander: I'm so proud of you, that's why you're my best friend and you..."  
referring to Robbe   
"You beautiful sensitive creature.  
I love you already you know?"

When the commotion ends Sander and Robbe find themselves alone and Sander decides that now is the time:

"Are you coming over?"  
"What for?"  
"I have to tell my mom something."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehiiiii  
> My eyes hurt but I can’t leave our boys♥️ And all of you of course!  
> Sorry for all  
> The mistake but it’s hard for me to write and to reread it.   
> Thank you!!!!!


	12. Just the two of us

"Mom?"  
"Sander don't let go of my hand."  
Sander turns around: it's delightful to see his boy terrified of his mother.  
"Robbe, love, I swear she won't bite...mom are you there?"  
"I'm on the phone honey, just a minute and I'll be with you."

When she arrives, Robbe is stunned: Sander is a photocopy of his mother...they are beautiful  
"Robbe can I leave you for a minute to hug my mom?"  
Robbe wakes up from his trance  
"Sure sure...go ahead."  
The two angels hug each other tightly. When they break free Sander pulls his mother closer to Robbe.  
"Mom, this is Robbe...my boyfriend."  
Oh God his mother remains motionless. Maybe Robbe isn't enough for her son...not enough tall? Not Enough Handsome? Maybe it's because he's a boy?  
Then he notices her eyes fill with tears:  
"Are you the one who made my baby so happy? Oh God Robbe come here, give me a hug!"  
Robbe's mind is a whirlwind of images. All of them beautiful. That family...he already loves it.  
"I'm going to go make coffee...is that okay with everyone?  
Sander disappears into the kitchen and Robbe sits on the couch with Sander's mother:  
"So Robbe, we're down to the wire, what are you going to do after college?"  
"Well, I'm looking for a little part time job for some expenses I have in mind and then I'll do two more years as Sander to get the teaching skills... but a little job I need because I want to be 100% independent..."  
"You guys really found each other..."  
"Here's the coffee."  
Sander's face is tense, looking almost sad.  
"Sander what's up?"  
Sander follows Robbe's voice but his gaze remains low  
"Well...I had something in mind, but after your words I'm afraid I went too fast..."  
"Sander. No secrets remember? Spit it out."  
"That's it...I asked the professor if we could continue to live in our exam apartment after graduation since we'll both have the same classes, but if you want to be independent I understand"  
"Sander. No. You didn't understand. Or rather you only partially did. I need to be independent because of everything that's happened to me but...but that doesn't mean I don't want to live with you in our apartment." Robbe walks over to Sander and lifts his face under his mother's loving eyes:   
"I have to be independent, but I never felt that way until you came along. I've realized that I can do things on my own, that I can face and defeat great wounds...but I need to know that if I don't make it, you're there, not only to help me but more importantly to tell me hey, you can do it...I believe in you. Because that's what we are, each other's support."  
Sander smiles and hugs him   
"So was that a yes?"  
"It's a yes Sander. We will live together."

That night Robbe stays over at Sander's. Because two souls that find each other and fit together so perfectly, struggle to stay apart for too long.


End file.
